I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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