If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
