Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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