Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
