I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
