i permit you to call me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize