My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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