Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Too much gin, very little bucket
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize