Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
