We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
