i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm passing your future prison.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
