I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
