I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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