you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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