Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
