her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
