It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
