Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They have beer where we have blood.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
