I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize