Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is it penis luge time yet?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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