Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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