Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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