i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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