there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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