ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
