We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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