Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
