my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
