it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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