my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
