just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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