We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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