hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
