nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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