had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize