So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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