i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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