used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
