Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
