Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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