you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
