nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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