if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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