I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize