There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
