Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
