this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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