We named our party play list daddy issues
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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