I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We left an ass print on the piano.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
