You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
