well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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