I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
