dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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