Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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