My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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