last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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