talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
