Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
