my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
