What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
