Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
