In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
