Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
