Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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