well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
