90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize