I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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