i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
