Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize